I keep wondering what a lucrative business it must be to own a construction company in Warner Bros. cinematic Monsterverse. Construction or undertaking of course. City after city is leveled by giant mythical beings, stomping on everything and everyone. That’s a lot of bricks, mortar and funerals. But I digress. Godzilla is back and this time he (it?) has beef with one giant ape.

Godzilla left (insert city here) in ruins after his epic fight with (insert monster here). He returned to the ocean and wasn’t seen again for nearly three years. But a mysterious McGuffin (look it up) has triggered him and the big lizard that was once seen as a hero to mankind is now a formidable enemy. Cue Kong, locked up in a dome somewhere (and bonding with a deaf mute child for some reason) who might be the solution to Earth’s giant lizard problem.

What follows makes little to no sense. In the Monsterverse, these once animalistic creatures are suddenly part of a bigger mythology, complete with interspecies wars and ancient artifacts. The Monsterverse may not feature a flat Earth, but it does have a hollow one where all of these beings emerged from. Have I lost you already? Don’t worry, you’re not supposed to be following any kind of plot during this film. You’re meant to stare in awe at the many ones and zeros roaring and kicking each other’s asses. 

To be honest, in that respect Godzilla vs. Kong does not let its audience down. The emphasis is squarely on the big lugs of monster meat smashing stuff to smithereens. Actors like Millie Bobby Brown, Alexander Skarsgård and Rebecca Hall might just as well have been wooden sticks with googly eyes glued on. You don’t care about them and you don’t need to. 

Adam Wingard (You’re Next) helms this one. Not sure how much influence he had on the final product, but there’s definitely a bigger sense of fun in this one compared to Godzilla: King of the Monsters. It’s reminiscent of Skull Island’s chaotic over the top energy and it draws you in the first half of the film. As soon as the literal clash of the Titans starts, all of that goes out the window in favor of generic mass destruction and a weird journey to the center of the earth.

If you like your monsters big, your destruction massive and your entertainment utterly brainless then Godzilla vs. Kong won’t disappoint. Anyone else needs to steer clear of these beasties.

Rating: 2 out of 5.

GODZILLA VS. KONG is now available on HBO Max

Review – Godzilla vs. Kong

Reviewed online, March 31, 2021. Rating: M. Running time: 113 min.

PRODUCTION: (USA) A HBO Max release of a Legendary Entertainment, Warner Bros. production. Producers: Alex Garcia (p.g.a.), Jon Jashni, Eric McLeod, Mary Parent (p.g.a.), Brian Rogers, Thomas Tull. Executive producers: Jay Ashenfelter, Yoshimitsu Banno, Shauna Bryan, Herbert W. Gains, Roy Lee, Dan Lin, Kenji Okuhira, Stefan Sonnenfeld.

CREW: Director: Adam Wingard. Writers: Terry Rossio, Michael Dougherty, Zach Shields, Eric Pearson, Max Borenstein. Cinematography: Ben Seresin. Editing: Josh Schaeffer. Music: Tom Holkenborg.

CAST: Alexander Skarsgård, Millie Bobby Brown, Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Shun Oguri, Eiza González, Julian Dennison, Lance Reddick, Kyle Chandler, Demián Bichir.

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